I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK!

George Washington said, "We should not look back unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors, and for the purpose of profiting by dearly bought experience."

As I reflect upon my past posts, I'm sad for the girl I once was. She was so depressed and could not let go of things/people she thought she needed. She thought she would never be loved or was worth love. She was so very wrong and deserved so much more.

This is what she did not know she would find: Manny, my knight in shining armor and the man I hope to spend the rest of my life loving.

I wish I could tell her to be patient, but I guess it was something she had heard many times. I remember people saying it so often that I would roll my eyes every time. It was true though. I have never been happier in my life. 6 months in to our relationship and I cannot wait to see what this year brings. 

Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice


You're the nicest thing I've seen

I wish that we could give it a go

See if we could be something



I wish I was your favourite girl

I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world

I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style



I wish you couldn't figure me out

But you always wanna know what I was about

I wish you'd hold my hand

When I was upset

I wish you'd never forget

The look on my face when we first met



I wish you had a favourite beauty spot

That you loved secretly

'Cause it was on a hidden bit

That nobody else could see

Basically, I wish that you loved me

I wish that you needed me

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,

Actually I meant three



I wish that without me your heart would break

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake

I wish that without me you couldn't eat

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep



Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen

And I wish that we could see if we could be something

Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

The Sassy Curmudgeon: Curmudgeon of the "Week": L

This girl is awesome... She doesn't hold back... Say what you feel!

The Sassy Curmudgeon: Curmudgeon of the "Week": L

Family Gatherings Bring the Laughter

My grandfather's 80th birthday is this week so my parents had a nice little get together at their house. Dad grilled up some delicious treats and though we were minus little sister, we were plus an uncle and cousin. It's crazy to me how the time flies. My little sister is now almost 21 and my youngest cousin is taller than me. Boggles my mind! The funny thing to me is now that we are all older, my grandmother just lets the risque jokes fly. Last night, I must say, was the first time I've laughed that hard in a while. It was full of "that's what she said" jokes and there were times when we were all in shock at the words blurted out by my grandmother. Light hearted absurdity... that's what any Jones get-together is. I'm quickly learning to savor all of these moments as I know they won't last forever. I think in general I'm learning to savor my time here, focus less on the negative, stress, and anxiety and just live.

Dialog

I've been watching a lot of older moveis recently. In comparison to some of the crap that comes out now, I feel that the dialog of older movies is by far a higher quality. It's almost like movies have just gone downhill! For example, take romance movies... they've become so... predictable! You just know he's going to look at her and say something cliche like, "I've always loved you" or "I can't live without you". I mean, really? I want something classy! Something like in 'Sleepless in Seattle'

Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again. Sam, do you think there's someone out there you could love as much as your wife?

Sam Baldwin: Well, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone, that's hard to imagine.

Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: What are you going to do?

Sam Baldwin: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.


Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?

Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.

Or like in 'When Harry Met Sally'?

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Ok so maybe I was on a little Meg Ryan kick, but how about this one from 'A Knight's Tale'?

William: It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris, I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

Well, that one is stretching it a little.It begins to get a little cheesey with the whole sun missing the flower thing, but I blame that on Wat.

I guess what I am getting at is that movies are not the same as they use to be.

The Entertainer

I took the Myers-Briggs test to see what they said I was... it seems that they have me down to a T.

ESFP (Extraversion, Sensing, Feeling, Perception)

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ESFP.html

http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/myers-briggs/esfp.htm

Reading the second one freaks me out.

Something I found interesting about my kind of people:

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ESFP's shadow may appear - a negative form of INTJ. Example characteristics are:

• go quiet or withdraw from people
• have a gloomy view of the future
• openly criticise other people
• stop adapting to changing circumstances

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The ESFP may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.

This makes perfect sense to me... it's just what I do.

How do you solve a problem like Heather?

There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction – Winston Churchill


Living alone leaves a lot of time for reflection. This new move will be something good for me; I know it will… but had been left with a wee bit of hesitation. I have never lived alone; I’ve never really been alone in general for any prolonged amount of time. Why? It’s probably because I don’t like it. However, it is a much needed change. It was, of course, a tough decision to make. I did not want to have to move away from my best friend, but I think I had begun to lose myself. It sounds cliché but it is true. I started to wonder who I was, what was I doing with my life, was this person that I had become me? The answer is yes and no. I was still under all the layers of stress, drama, goofiness, etc. It is now time to focus on myself. What are my needs, wants, etc…? Figure out my future, look after my health, and most of all fix the mistakes that I’ve made and the relationships that I have strained.

We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry. – Author Unknown

Something that really made me realize that I had begun to lose myself was the way had I become so flippant with my responsibilities to myself and others, most especially to my friends. I have been raised to keep promises and this is something that I have followed for many years… until college and post-college. I began picking and choosing what promises/dates/events I’d keep/attend and which I’d dismiss. This is not me…

“Hey, come on over for so-and-so’s birthday/graduation/going away/holiday party!” -Friend A.

“Oh yea! I will totally be there!” –Me.


*Day of get together*


“Hey, I can’t come… *insert random excuse here*. I’m sorry! But let’s hang out on ______?” –Me.

I guess you can call me a flake, a bad friend, or whatever you want to title it. But to be honest, I had have a problem. I don’t see the joy in going to those things, I feel like an outsider, I feel like I’m not really wanted there, or I just don’t feel like being social or putting forth the effort. I know, I’ve been a shit friend to a lot of people in the past few years and I’m apologizing. I have missed milestones in my friends’ lives (though I don’t know if some of you even still consider me a friend.) I’ve placed blame on others for the mistakes and messes that I have made in my relationships, but it’s partially my fault too. I don’t want to be disliked; I have a think where I want everyone to like me and I spend time feeling completely self conscious until I know that people like me… I feel that the list of people that dislike me outweighs the people that do like me at this point in my life. This is all due to the poor decisions I’ve made and the friends that I have let down; it hurts me. If I have wronged you, I hope that you can forgive me.

We all lose friends... We lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." ~ Amy Marie Walz