I guess I did a really great job keeping to that promise! It’s been a month since I’ve rediscovered this thing and still haven’t used it. I’m a wreck!
I digress.
I have concluded that maybe it has always been my fault. I thought that my loses/life changing situations were due to external road blocks that set challenges, etc. But I’m wondering more if it wasn’t just me… my lack of effort or caring.
I’ve spent so much of my life conforming; turning myself into someone else… becoming a “character,” if you will. I make myself into things or people that others want me to be. I don’t do things for the right reasons or sometimes for no reason at, I guess. I’ve just become this load of clay, made and molded into the next thing; changing likes, appearances, interests accordingly. The real problem lies here: I’m not sure I know who the real “me” is any longer.
This is where people say, “Then change it!” Recognize the problems/mistakes and change them. Change them to what? What do you do when you no longer recognize the person that you have become? How do you find the REAL “you” beneath all of the personas? Do you even care enough to seek “you”? Here lies the crossroads… what path do I chose and what does the first step entail?
